As Link and Indigo raced towards the end of the 5,310th horse race, Indigo was still 20 seconds behind Link and Epona. The horse races had been a way for Indigo to get 50 rupees from stupid people and it would usually work. But Indigo’s motorcycle broke down and he was forced to ride a horse.
"Waahh, I want to freaking win against you at least once. Link, if you beat me a few more times I’ll give you Epona and 20 rupees."
"No, I think that I will just take Epona and all of your rupees." Link said with a growing smirk on his face.
"Over my dead body!" Indigo said outraged by the sudden turn of personalities by Link.
"Okay then, that is fine by me." Link quickly pulled out the master sword and simply stabbed Indigo, just outside of the right kidney. "You should be fine," Link said in a comical tone as he left leaving Malon to take care of Indigo.
As Link was just outside the Lon Lon Ranch gates Epona collapsed. "Oh crap! Why didn’t I remember that a horse can’t run 5,310 times in consecutive races, then take you outside of the tracks." So Link pulled out a cell phone and called Zelda.
"Zelda, I need a favor, can I borrow one of the GTs or a Diablo from the garage for awhile. I need to beat up GanonDork." After tending to Epona with water and food, a Lamborghini Diablo VT 6.0 flew past the last little wall in the Hyrule Field.
"Link, what up. I got your call about wanting to fight Ganondorf, and let me say this…not before me." Zelda shouted while hopping out the of Diablo and started to run towards the castle. As soon as she was over the moat though, she got caught in this pink crystal thing and floated away.
"Hmm…I guess I still have to find out some more information on Ganondorf, so I guess I have to go to Gerudo Fortress, Valley, and Dessert. Where I might get captured by fierce women. He he he." Link said while now walking to the Diablo. As Link turned the key the CD Player turned on and the song, "Legend of Zelda – Hardcore Remix (DJ Epison)" turned on.
"Sweet!" Link said happy to see that Zelda had some musical taste. "I guess anything is better than Impa’s singing." Link laughed at the thought. Impa was the worst singer/whistler ever. After crushing around for a little bit and meeting up again with Saria, Ruto, Malon, and that crazy "I’m allergic to cuccos because I get goose bumps" woman. Link had arrived at a fallen bridge which was the only way to get to the Gerudo Fortress which connected to the Valley.
"No problem," Link thought to himself while backing the Diablo up. Link popped it into overdrive and somehow jumped the gap (one reason why I let the Diablo survive was because you can’t destroy or bad-mouth any Lamborghini or Ford (the Ford Mustang GT was the original idea for the featured car in this story) in my stories). After talking the Gerudo women, being through in jail and getting the Diablo impounded, paying off the women to get the Lamborghini back. Link had been able to get through the big gate that was blocking the desert, money was again involved.
After "accidentally" running over and doing drive-bys, Link had blown up, flattened, or simply killed any/all enemies that were in his way (Link also went out of his way to find a couple, Poes in particular). Link would only do this if he got angry, and being thrown in jail while having his ride impounded, did in fact make him very angry.
As Link drove through the desert he found many different things in the dessert that he had never seen before. "Wow, I found a bunch of Sand. (*Insert that sound that they usually make when you find something in the game, you know that really annoying clip that is played over and over again*)." Link later found a box of markers, some chalk, Turbo Chocolate Laxatives, some pants that weren’t tight, a gun, two boxes of Saltines, and he also found out how to become a better swordsman by not stabbing himself in the hand every time he fought.
As Link continued through the desert he found a person (*Insert annoying clip*). It was Aquaman and he was constantly saying things like: "My ability to talk to fish isn’t working for some reason." "I thought that a sea of sand was another form of water," and his most annoying, "Help! I can’t swim." Link just simply ran over the poor fool and then…for no apparent reason…Ganondorf appeared right in front of the speeding Diablo. Link didn’t have time to react, so Ganondorf got nailed head on. Unfortunately, Ganondorf was also wearing Spandex, so he bounced off of the car and flew back to his castle. As Link took the elevator up to the really bad music that sounded like a dog being punched to death and a fish being smacked against a TV to get a better picture.
Link walked into the room where the sound was coming from and he found…Ganondorf, yet again (if you played Ocarina of Time you will understand). When the song finished Ganondorf stood up and said, "I will now play ‘Moonlight Sonata’." Link started to charge, not wanting to listen to the dog beating or the fish slapping. As link charged as fast as he possibly could he…tripped and fell flat on his face. Ganondorf laughed so hard from Link’s stupidity that he fell back and broke the Triforce, which was floating in the air behind him. Link stood back up and Zelda was to the right side of him.
Zelda screamed, "You retard! You broke the Triforce. Now Impa the Robot woman is going to kill us all."
And then Impa killed them all with her singing/whistling.