Okay, so I haven’t updated in a little while. But that is only because of one little problem that I have had for a little while. You see, it all happened like it was just "last Monday" ago. I was diligently working on my updates, with over 10,000 different pictures, movies, songs, reviews, and journals. When I fell asleep at the computer, which is illegal in the great states of Virginia and Wyoming. So the new Anti-Computer-Sleepers Division of Squirrels arrested me. They wanted to eat my nuts…the walnuts that were in a little cup to the left of my computer.

The jail cell that they threw me in was just about the same size as the cells in the movie HART’S WAR. But luckily for me, the door was locked, the floor was cold and there was no way out. So when a squirrel prison guard walked by I quickly ran for the breaks between the steel bars to grab him. But you know how hard it is to catch a squirrel and it jumped out of my reach. So I had to prepare another plan, one that had even the slightest chance of actually working. As I thought up "Plan B" (which is a very original name for it), I found out that in the cell next to mine there was another person watching me from their cell. While I talked and talked about "Plan B" I finally noticed that his cell door was open. So I had to think up a newer and better plan then ever before. I would call it "Plan XGP-15A-II" (just like my friend’s ATM number). So while I was telling my new friend in the other cell all about my plan to escape, I noticed that he was obviously dead, because he didn’t have a body, it was just a head. So I decided to name my body-disabled friend. I called him Wilson after that volleyball from CAST AWAY, he didn’t have a body either. Then I heard a voice and a light came from the ceiling, the voice said, "If you shoot it, they will die." I responded with a casual, "What the hell are you talking about. The voice said again, "If you shoot it, they will die," and again I responded with a casual, "What…no hablo español." The voice then said, "For the love of god, do you see where I am shining my flashlight? That is a shotgun and two handguns, locked and loaded, ready to go. Now go shot them you retard." As I picked up the shotgun and two handguns, I asked the voice one more thing, "God, I have a question for you, could you please unlock the cell door that I’m in?" The voice responded, "I’m not God, I’m Chris the guy in the cell above you, and you don’t have to worry about that lock because you are in a closet." So as I bided God farewell (or Chris as he liked to call himself) I started to go on a rampage through the prison. But I was quickly shot by the Special Chicken Forces in the prison resulting in massive blood loss and my inability to move my ears. So I spent the rest of my sentence in the prison closet until my term was done with, I was in there for a full afternoon.

As I started to head for the administration office to see if I was ready to go back out into society, I found out that the board consisted of a chicken, a cow, and a pig. Later the board mysteriously disappeared while I was eating steak and eggs with a side of bacon. So that is why I wasn’t able to update, and I think that I would like to go to sleep now. OH CRAP! I’m falling asleep on my computer again and I hear someone running up the stairs. OH NO, IT IS A BUNCH OF SQUIRRELS…and then I was arrested. THE END